Are we there yet? Ah the age old, innocent, patience testing inquiry..
The enthusiasm to get there that you miss all the scenery along the way.
But, what if what we missed, as eager little kids, serves as one of our biggest lessons as grown up, self-reliant adults.
What if the journey is the destination?
What if you stopped trying to “get there”?
What if every day, every moment was an equally important piece of the puzzle that is putting you back together and if all you are doing is waiting to “get there” then the puzzle may miss some very integral pieces. It’s never fun when you get to the end of the puzzle and realize that somewhere right in the middle of the whole thing, a piece is missing and it throws off the whole meaning of the bigger picture.
I have been on so many healing journeys in my own life.. the biggest one being.. healing my sense of self.
Like who the f*ck am I? I knew who I was until I felt like the world fell out from under me. Everything I thought I was at such a young age felt like it was stripped from me.
My entire identity shifted.
I wasn’t the pretty, stubborn, sassy little blonde girl anymore. I was the awkward, flat chested, acne faced, mousy brunette with a weird effing sense of style.
Where did the sweet, sassy, sensitive, inquisitive blonde girl I once was go?
She got lost in the waves of this world passing judgement on her every move.She got lost in the belief that she had to be someone other than who she truly wasShe got swept away by the winds of grief. She got hidden under piles of critical rubbish. She was abused, betrayed, addicted, used, lost, depressed, anxious, suicidal, angry, hurt, guarded, cold, isolated, injured, shell of herself.
All of these things served to take me down, to destroy my inner peace and my identity.
But what they did instead was shattered any beliefs of who I may have thought I was. They tore down my superficial facade and forced me to see myself stripped to the core, the place where healing really begins.
I was led to heal my abuse story, heal my money story, heal my relationship story, heal my friendships, heal my self worth, heal my sex shame, heal my anxiety, heal my losses, heal heal heal..a continuous cycle. But never did any of it happen at once, or overnight. It was and always will be, a journey.
If I waited til I “got there” to do anything in this life, I would never get anywhere. If I waited to just feel like myself again, I would never really know who my true self is.
The thing is that we are gunning so hard for a finish line we are never going to see. This world will keep dishing out the hardships and we will have to keep on sailing if we want to survive.
There is so much beauty in the transformation. The coming undone. The shedding. The releasing the unbecoming the renewal. The remembering.
We wil never ever get to enjoy this life if we are trying to just “get there”.
Right here, right now in this moment, you are there. There is no other time than right now.
Know it. Love it. Embrace it.
You are there.
The healing is in the journey, not the final destination.
Right now, in this moment, you are healed.
XO
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