Are you having a hard time letting go of an ex/past relationship? Are you having a hard time moving on and cant stop thinking about how they did you wrong, what they’re up to now and why you weren’t enough?
Very often our inability to let go of someone is not directly about the person themselves but what it is they brought to the relationship and who they are as a person. DUH, you know, right ? But it runs a bit deeper than just liking the way they told jokes or slayed in the kitchen or played that guitar.
When you have a hard time letting someone go who’s time has expired in your life, chances are it is because they are, unknowingly, holding hostage a part of your power that you gave them or they possess a quality that you feel is missing in you and you are desperate to feel it again.
I can speak from years of experience, I was the Queen of hanging on. I’d never fully let anyone go, always keeping them in my back pocket for a rainy day. What this did was stop me from truly finding someone who was better suited for me, but it also kept me in the mindset that what they had, I lacked.
It has been said, time and time again, that people are mirrors for us. They come to show us parts of us that we are hiding or denying and they also reflect back to us the parts of us we want or need to change. Don’t ever underestimate the learning power of your connection with someone else, even if brief. These people come to teach us lessons and are so valuable if you are open to receiving the lesson.
When someone is so outwardly confident and you are struggling with your self-esteem you will naturally gravitate towards them because they possesses something that you know is lacking in you.
When someone is stable, responsible and powerful in what they do you find yourself more drawn to them because some of that you want to have too.
Since I was quite young I felt powerless in my life. It was not always a conscious knowing, it was quite subtle. I mean I was pretty bossy but when it all came down to it, I was being bossy and telling people what to do because I felt no control over my own inner world.
Naturally I was always attracted to and dated guys who exerted their power, sometimes too much. Whenever one of these relationships would end I would find myself desperate for reconciliation or relief from the gnawing feeling of emptiness inside of me. Empty, in my core. Empty because I was abandoning myself, my truth and neglecting my own inner power.
When you learn to see people as a mirror you can start to accept that we are all more alike than different. You will realize that what you admire and are attracted to in another is possible for you too.
Think right now about someone you admire, not necessarily a love interest, maybe a famous person or maybe someone you are close with. What do you admire about them? Does anything about that ever make you feel inadequate or less than? Do you find yourself wishing you had what they do? Do you feel envy or attraction? What do you actually feel when you see or think of them?
Some people are born naturally talented, so it is not to say that someone’s amazing vocal skills are possible for you too, although I’d argue that some singing lessons and a good producer could always help. But my point is that people can inspire us to be our best selves and show us by example what is possible for us. Or we can let our insecurities and inadequacies keep us small and longing for more of what we think we want, but really don’t need. (The ex!)
So, if there is someone you are still pining over, if you feel you have completely lost out because someone left then I encourage your dear, sweet heart right now to explore the idea that just maybe what you are missing the most are the lost pieces of you that you think you don’t have, but you do.
Everything you need is within you and in this lifetime we are likely to love and lose a few, or more, times but the one thing that is for certain is that the love that is rooted within you cannot ever be lost.
Allow yourself to grieve your loss when it comes to the physical connection & presence, habits, rituals and intimacy but know that in this world of over 7 billion people, you will certainly find another and next time it can be even better because you will now know more of who you are and will rely on them not to fill your voids, but simply just to love and enjoy. Xo
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